Fractal

Fractal

there's a box in the closet
I fill with memories and gum wrappers
letters and ticket stubs
that crazy stick thing that guy mailed me one time
wedding albums
funeral cards
pictures from that camping trip with the fish smoking a cigarette
those friends from school
those other friends from that other school
baby blankets
and family.

it's purple, which means nothing.
I never go through it fully.

sometimes, if I have a notion
to drag out a _specific_ picture
or a _specific_ drawing
I will drag it out and open it
but only to find the thing
and when I am done
the thing goes back
the lid gets closed
and the box goes in the closet

new things go in sometimes
and the things that come out go right back in
old things stay in
they're resting
leave them be

So my dad sends me three DVDs
He had them made at Costco
slides he had converted
filling _three_ DVDs
from his childhood, my childhood
before I was born
family long gone
my parents younger than me
wait, isn't that the cabin
I remember that street
I remember these slides

As a girl I used to look at the slides
I would sneak them out
And use the hand held single slide viewef
crazy little thing. Backlit, magnifying lens, olive green
never forget that thing
then, after looking through a random few
of the hundreds of slides available
I would sneak the slides back
into Dad's box in his closet.

The one he never goes through fully

Until, one day, he did
Reliving and saving and remembering and creating
going through every slide
for months, he told me
a reassembling pieces
from the puzzle in the box from his closet
until he had chosen the special ones
only those slides
that would fill three DVDs

Because that's how you set those things free

Sauerkraut is comprised mainly of cabbage, salt, and violence

It's pretty common knowledge among nutrition-conscious folks that fermented foods are important to gut health. And gut health is important to attaining and maintaining a healthy gut. And boy howdy do I have a healthy gut - which is to say it's too big.

I'm working to remedy that. 

Since high school I have dropped 100 pounds only to gain it back.  TWICE. 

At the beginning of this year I proclaimed that I intend to lose 125 pounds. Here we are in September and I am 10 pounds into that goal. Yeah, I could be doing better than a pound a month, but I have a few factors working against me, such as (insert excuses here to cover up the fact that I have not prioritized weight loss).

So, small changes. I've given up alcohol, because those are empty calories that rack up WAY too easily. I've joined a gym with a pool so I can go swimming once or twice a week, and am following a 30 minute aqua workout routine weekly to start. Most importantly, the gym has child care. Wondering who will watch Q while I exercise was one of the excuses I let myself get away with for far too long. 

And I m making incremental dietary improvements. Including sauerkraut.

The thought of making sauerkraut at home was a little intimidating until... get this... I researched it. That's right, armed with knowledge I quashed both fear and excuses. 

As was written in the prophesy every motivational blurb about getting shit done, ever.

Turns out, all that is needed for sauerkraut is cabbage, salt, and the wherewithall to beat the ever loving snot out of all of it in a mixing bowl for 10-15 minutes. 

That's where my favorite kitchen implement comes in. Behold, the SHTOMPUS*, most holy of all kitchen gadgetry. No better way to work out pent up aggression than to unleash ungodly shtompus action on poor, unsuspecting vegetables.  Like cabbage, for instance.

---

• 1 head cabbage
• 1.5 tablespoons sea salt
• Clean glass jar 

Sure, you can add seasonings like caraway and celery seeds.  I didn't. 

Quarter the cabbage, remove the core, and slice the cabbage into thin strips.

Add the salt, let it sit for 10 minutes or so, and then start mashing the sweet bejesus out of it.  Then mash it some more. Mash it like it owed you money.

With the SHTOMPUS.**

Then cram it into the glass jar. push it down and cram more of it in there.  Then push it down some more. Nope, even more. More than that. Keep shoving it into the glass jar until you're fairly certain there's no more air in it.

Then push it down some more. Are you with me? SHOW NO MERCY TO THE CABBAGE.

Then when you are done... really, really done... top it off with brine, close it up, and store it in a cool dark place for about 3 days.

That's what the instructions said. Three days.

So, I'll see you in three days

*No, it's not a potato masher.  It's a "SHTOMPUS." it "SHTOMPS." 

** Also, a fairly decent upper arm workout if done purposefully